Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize