you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
