he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
