Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
