I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
