So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize