They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Randomize
