i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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