he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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