Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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