U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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