I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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