They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
