East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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