Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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