don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
