you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
