I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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