my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
