She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
