Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
