i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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