I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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