i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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