Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize