Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
