peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
