He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
