i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i think my cat just said my name.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
