how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Randomize
