genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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