Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize