he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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