Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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