I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
