i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
