I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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