Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
