toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
