i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
