I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
