If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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