I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize