I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
