We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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