I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize