There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
