pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
