I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
