dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
now i know why i became what i already was.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
