not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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