She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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