Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
