when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
