I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
