I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just found a bag of teeth...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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