Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
