please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
