he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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