hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
