What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Randomize
