He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
