I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
