I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
foreskin is a definite game changer
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
