I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
