im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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