some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize