This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
