Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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