I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
