my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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