would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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