Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
