Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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