We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
