The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
