she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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