i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think I just sharted jello shots
I know her cup size but not her name....
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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