Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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