I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
