so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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