So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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