Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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