Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
