PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
