I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
home. puking in laundry basket.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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