I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
