Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
