He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
