Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
