I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
