It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
