he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
