The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
