i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
