it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
