So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
